A Cash Prize


Hi folks,

I've uploaded a new PDF (two actually, both spreads and single pages) of Thousand Year Old Vampire.  These are versions that are going to the printer early next week, though lower resolution.  These will probably get updated because...

I have a challenge! 

I will pay a bounty of $20USD or one free copy of Thousand Year Old Vampire for each typo, misspelling, grammar fuck-up, or significant graphic design error that you uncover before noon Sunday, Aug 2, Pacific Standard Time/-8 hours GMT.  

Rules:

The first to share a find gets credit for it. 

I get final say on  what wins you a book or not, though I think "if it's bad enough to fix" then you win.  

Things in the book that are intentionally wrong won't count!  Misspellings in and damage to the 'tucked in' documents and things don't count.

I'm capping this at $300 worth of books and dough.  If we hit that cap I'll mortify myself in some way as an act of penance for making so many errors.

I might update the files mid-challenge.  The game then progresses off those new files.

Shipping for a book prize is free in the USA.  You pay the difference for international.  My payouts are through paypal.  


Have at it,

Tim H

Files

TYOV_Ver1_05_secondPrinting_singlepages_review.pdf 39 MB
Jul 30, 2020
TYOV_Ver1_05_secondPrinting_spreads_review.pdf 38 MB
Jul 30, 2020

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Hi folks!  I haven't checked in on this recently because I've been under the weather and doing childcare stuff and I don't want to mess anything up by being incompetent or distracted.  I'll follow up very soon with prize instructions and the rest of it.  

I read that last post like four times before posting and I'm still not sure if it makes sense.  I'm clearly in no state to start throwing money around or checking on typos and stuff.  

Damn. I was hoping to get a book but was only able to get to this now.

Anyway.

Page listings in PDF viewer are off by one. i is listed as ii, etc. Not sure if that matters or not.

page i - first mention of Prompts section lists it incorrectly as "Prompt".

Page ii - "To use them, all you need to do is drop a coin, point a finger, or whatever else..." - needs clarification on the last bit. Sentence sounds awkward.

Page xxi - do we need to find the relationship between the helpful character and the resource? Needs disambiguation.

Page xxii - "Overthinking it is Unhelpful"

Appendix 5 - Do you think General Multiplayer Rules should go ahead of the Journaling and Quick Games rules sections? You mention things in those that are then covered in the general multiplayer rules. Makes it seem as if sections are out of order.

Page 143 - to read as: "For example, early in the game I create Brecht, an American Civil War veteran. He stokes the fire at the Antarctic retreat, and in a later Prompt I determine that Brecht stole my Diary."

Page 144 - "I think I want to create a vampire in early Eastern Europe..."

Page 145 - Have you made 4 or 5 memories? 1. Roza; 2. Piotr; 3. Hania; 4. Vyri; 5. ? - am I missing one? 

That should be it. I haven't dug into the game yet so i left the Prompts as surprises for when i play the game. Plus, left interviews alone because that's not things that can or should be changed.

Hope these help!

Do you have a print book?  Send me an email at dearleadergame@gmail.com

YOU MAY STILL SHARE ERRORS BUT THERE ARE NO MORE PRIZES TO AWARD

(+1)

lol I just got here!

This was a good idea, by the way.

(+1)

OUT OF PRIZES, NO MORE!

(+1)

I was excited but I haven't played through the whole book yet and I didn't want to spoil myself :) And I figured everything prior to the prompts was already checked.

hi there!

I can't seem to open the second printing, adobe PDF reader is giving me an error message.

Try using a web browser.  These are temporary docs so I'm not going to sweat trying to fix them yet.

(17 edits)

appendix Four - Five Or So Questions About Thousand Year Old Vampire

"... with the biggest difference being that a reaching back to my old studio process." - is confusing - perhaps "the biggest difference is a reaching back to my old studio process"?

"I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making it as it was made" should be "I could ingest or enjoy or experience the thing I was making  as it was made"

"It was fast and amazing and it’s how I want to be." - is this what you really meant or "it's how I want it to be"?

"Journaling is a usually a thing you do alone" should be "Journaling is usually a thing you do alone"

"Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you older Memories to a Diary" should most likely be "Eventually you run out of space for Memories, so you move older Memories to a Diary"

"You can and will lose our Diary" should be "You can and will lose your Diary"

"Eventually you have an ancient, creaky vampire who doesn’t remember that he was once a Roman emperor, or that they used to live on a glacier, or that he fell in love
two hundred years ago.  But they at least know how to use a computer" - the pronouns here are inconsistent

appendix four - Thousand Year Old Vampire Arises

"The objects I made might have flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the
making" - should probably be "The objects I made might have had flaws, but the flaws became a portrait of the making"

"I’ve started vampire’s in ancient Mesopotamia," should be "I’ve started vampires in ancient Mesopotamia,"

"This let’s a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;" should be "This lets a page of Prompt entries become a mini-story arc;"

"Some Prompts make a space that can used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think." should be "Some Prompts make space that can be used as a point of thinking about queerness for people like me, I think."

" so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife harms him grievously" should be " so on a train the vampire is betrayed by his immortal former wife who harms him grievously"

The last page of appendix four, the text after " And this might be the greatest testament I can give my own game:" is covered by the graphic

Lovely game Tim, proofreading it was a lot of fun to do. I think I'll stop here for the time being and take a break. Hope this was useful!

I remember reading that last one. I had to go over it four times to make sure I was reading it right.

Hey NightKrowe, which one are you referring to? I might have edited the post, adding new things  :)

Ah shit, I'm going to call the interviews out of bounds because those are public records that I can't ethically modify.  BUT!  If I don't drain the prize fund I will pay up.  Is that fair?

yeah totally fair ☺️

The one about moving the diary :)

(8 edits)

appendix Three - "... continue working your way around clockwise adding dots and chapter numbers as notice your responses to play and..." should be as you notice your responses to play ( also  "responses to play" sounds awkward - perhaps responses to your playthrough?)

"...connect the dots with lines as you go making a chart of your play experience." - "as you go" sounds clunky - might be better to say something like "as you proceed" or as you "as you go on"

"Add dots and notes accordingly, but don’t worry if you aren’t finding your experience described on the flower - not everyone’s will be." - it's a bit clunky - perhaps "Add dots and notes accordingly, but don't worry if your experience isn't described on the flower".  Or if you really want to stick to the same phrasing then - "if you can't find  your experience on the flower".  Another benefit is that then you can simplify the "not everyone will be" to "not everyone will".

" Play experiences in the red indicates that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments." should be "Play experiences in the red indicate that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments" or "Having play experiences in the red indicates that.."

appendix Three - "... continue working your way around clockwise adding dots and chapter numbers as notice your responses to play and..." should be as you notice your responses to play ( also  "responses to play" sounds awkward - perhaps responses to your playthrough?)

YES, A WINNER!

" Play experiences in the red indicates that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments." should be "Play experiences in the red indicate that you should probably be aware of and steer away from these moments" or "Having play experiences in the red indicates that.."

TWO, TWO WINNING ERRORS!

These were submitted after the $300 limit!  Since you have already claimed the bulk of the prize money I reverse my earlier decision and call these void.  

(9 edits)

p27 Which Character suffers and dies because your actions? should be  Which Character suffers and dies because of your actions?

p28 What peril do they pull down upon you? should be What peril do they bring down upon you?

p29 You are exposed as a monster and flee to a far off land should technically be flee to a far-off land

p33 not really a correction but - "You know where the old things are" seems like a confusing prompt to me

p36 a fever dream spun of cobwebs should be a fevered dream spun of cobwebs

p38 Your whole being becomes centered in your senses and your hungers should be

Your whole being becomes centered on your senses and your hungers. (Also technically hungers should probably be hunger unless this was a conscious choice.)

p42 You remain ageless as your friends slowly curl and dry up; - I found this confusing. I figure it's a creative way of showing that these friends are aging but I think it's a bit of a strange way of expressing it

p43 "That Resource once belonged to another Character, but you had forgotten" - to be grammatically correct forget needs an object. So it should be something more like - "but you have forgotten this" or "..., a fact you had forgotten"

(1 edit)

p27 Which Character suffers and dies because your actions? should be  Which Character suffers and dies because of your actions?

YES!  COINS FLOW THROUGH MY FINGERS FOR THIS!

p29 You are exposed as a monster and flee to a far off land should technically be flee to a far-off land

YOU ARE CORRECT BUT THE PRIZE FOR THIS WAS ALREADY TAKEN!

p43 "That Resource once belonged to a...

YOU ARE RIGHT AND IT IS AWKWARD AND I CHANGED IT SO YOU GET A PRIZE

(3 edits)

Page ii (8) - "Your character may have their memories altered, they will certainly forget important things. " These two independent clauses should be separated by a semicolon rather than a comma.

Page xiv (20) - "The Prompts in Thousand Year Old Vampire are not necessaily geared..." Should be "necessarily" Already noted by Behethan

Page xviii (24) - "When either of these substitutions occur it indicates that things have gone very badly for your vampire..." the bolded dependent clause and the following independent clause should be separated by a comma. "When either of these substitutions occur, it indicates..."

Page xxi (27) - "that’s just how life, or un-life, is." Other references in the book refer to "unlife." This could have been intentional.

Prompt 41 - "Long-forgotten" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective. e.g. "long-forgotten parts"

Multiple - "Far-off" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.

  • Prompt 8 - "Far-off region"
  • Prompt 29 - "far-off land"
  • Prompt 46 - "far-off land"
  • Prompt 46 - "far-off enclave or colony"
  • Page 84 (115), Alt Prompt 14 - "far-off place"

Alt Prompt 15 - "You begin to fabricate new stories and in the doing confuse yourself about the truth." This should possibly be "in doing so." This could be an alternate version of the saying that I'm not familiar with.

Alt Prompt 25 - "You manipulate him and inadvertently crush their spirit, their poems are dead." The two dependent clauses should be separated by a semicolon instead of a comma. As Tsetsova noted below, the pronouns are inconsistent.

(1 edit)

Prompt 41 - "Long-forgotten" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective. e.g. "long-forgotten parts"

IT IS ACKNOWLEDGED

Multiple - "Far-off" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.

ONE PRIZE SHALL COVER ALL OF THESE

(I'm going to leave the punctuation as is, otherwise, though I think you are correct that those are the proper ways of doing things)

Send a screenshot of your entry and my responses to dearleadergame@gmail.com.  If you want a free book include a shipping address (you'll get a 2nd printing copy ETA October).  If you want cash money include an email address.  One prize is one book or $20.  

Hey Tim, I’ve sent the email ☺️  Let me know if I need to do anything else to claim the prize. Thanks!

(25 edits)

p94 prompt 51-You emerge from your delirium having mixed events up in your brain - sounds wrong to me, looking at the collins dictionary I can see mixed up is actually an adjective. In which case it seems the sentence should be 'having mixed up events in your brain'

p94 prompt 51 - this isn't a correction but more of a clarification question about the rules - "You find that your body and mind recover from the sickness more monstrous and powerful than before. Gain a Mark. Mark your “hazy” Memory slot as “vast”—you may now fit two additional Experiences in that Memory slot." - is this Memory slot vast and hazy - as in - do these two additional experiences have to be "hazy" ones?

p98 - You find a substitute for your current food source. How is a change in sustenance expressed in your physical appearance? - I think in this case it should be how is this change in sustenance... because it's referring to the specific change mentioned in the previous sentence. 

p91 and p102 - the Alternate Ending Prompt title look slightly pixelated

p104 - Create a Mark which makes you more alike to them - I think it should be which makes you more alike or makes you more like them

p106 - The graphics partially cover the first letter of each row after "If you yet retain it as a Resource, strike it out now."

p109 - Feasting of them should be feasting on them

p109 Prompt 98 - I don't think environ is the right word here. It's apparently a verb which means to surround e.g - "the stone circle was environed by an expanse of peat soil"

p112 -..., abandoned these long many years since you yourself took refuge there. - should be either these many long years or these long years or these many years

p113 -"Awakening one evening, you find a terrified mortal bound and left by other mortals for you to feast upon" - should have a comma between mortal and bound -

Awakening one evening, you find a terrified mortal, bound and left by other mortals for you to feast upon

p114 prompt 110- "How long do they wait to descend on your leavings?" is confusing, perhaps "How long do they wait to descend upon what you left behind?"

Also p114 prompt 110 - He is pounding at some door. There is a great scrabbling of tiny feet. You hear his screams as he is overtaken by many mouths, many beaks, many fangs. - uses gendered pronouns, it's inconsistent with the rest of the book, though perhaps intentional?

p115- How do you confront this philosophical question, and this fool of bad judgment? - it's initially confusing but on a second read I realized that 'of bad judgement' is connected to the verb 'confront'. It might be easier to read if you say 'this fool of their bad judgement'

p117 prompt 123 - the graphic is partially covering the 'g' in dwelling

p117 prompt 124 - the same graphic is covering the 'n' in mistaken

p119 prompt 135 - the graphic behind the text makes the text hard to read

p109 - Feasting of them should be feasting on them

YOU ARE AWARDED MONEY

(your feedback is excellent but most of it isn't within the sphere of action I feel comfortable exerting on the 'additional prompts' section.  the contributors have distinct voices that I don't want to quash.)

agreed though the bit about the inconsistent pronouns on p114  is about consistency but also about inclusiveness. It feels to me like the game does such a fantastic job of consistently giving space to the player to choose their own genders or lack of genders so with or without a bounty I’d still defend that one 😅

I agree!  Ask me about that when you write to claim your prize money.

(1 edit)

Page 86: “Rage as you watch your hard work turned the benefit of others.” Possibly missing a “to”, “for”, or other similar term.

Page 86, prompt 25: The gender pronouns of the poet change from they to him and back again.

Page 86, prompt 28: A bit pedantic, but “You meet a good-hearted traveler on a noble quest on a crossroads…” should be “at a crossroads”

Page 87, prompt 34: “Check a skill and to fail to put them on the proper path.” – the first “to” is a typo, or the “and” shouldn’t be there.

Page 86: “Rage as you watch your hard work turned the benefit of others.” Possibly missing a “to”, “for”, or other similar term.

YES THIS IS CLEARLY AN ERROR AND YOU WILL TAKE MY PENALTY MONEY THOUGH IT BE SOAKED IN BLOOD AND TEARS

Page 86, prompt 28: A bit pedantic, but “You meet a good-hearted traveler on a noble quest on a crossroads…” should be “at a crossroads”

THAT IS AN ERROR ON AN ADDITIONAL PROMPT I WROTE MYSELF SO I WILL FIX IT BUT I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT

Page 87, prompt 34: “Check a skill and to fail to put them on the proper path.” – the first “to” is a typo, or the “and” shouldn’t be there.

THIS!  THIS IS WHAT I REVEL IN!  MISTAKES I MADE AND CAN PROPERLY BE ASHAMED OF.  A PRIZE TO THE FINDER!

Send a screenshot of your entry and my responses to dearleadergame@gmail.com.  If you want a free book include a shipping address (you'll get a 2nd printing copy ETA October).  If you want cash money include an email address.  One prize is one book or $20.  

(11 edits)

p85 These new vulnerabilities prove a key to learning about your nature - I think it's these new vulnerabilities prove key to learning about your nature

p85 A wrong you've long mulled you now forgive. - I think it should be mulled over - you mull wine but mull over an idea

p85 prompt 21 the graphic is almost covering the word 'dead'

p86 Rage as you watch your hard work turned the benefit of others - should be turn to the benefit of others

p86 A poet enraptures you with their art. You manipulate him and inadvertently crush their spirit, their poems are dead. - the pronouns are inconsistent - it should be ' you manipulate them' instead of him.

p87 - Snatch up those who wander in darkness. - in my mind it should be wander in the darkness because it's not a metaphorical darkness but the specific darkness beyond the fire light, but I might've misunderstood what you meant here :)

p87 - It is awkward, at the least - should be It is awkward, in the least. - These are from the collins dictionary -

  • You can use in the least to emphasize a negativ which I think is the case here
  • You can use at the least to signify at the very lowest figure or amount; with no less - so for example "stay ten days at the least"

p87 - Check a Skill and to fail to put them on the proper path. - I'm not sure what you mean here, Tim?

p88 - You’ve lost focused and everything burns. should be You’ve lost focus and everything burns. (Also probably not very important but the graphic is covering the page number)

p85 These new vulnerabilities prove a key to learning about your nature - I think it's these new vulnerabilities prove key to learning about your nature

OMG I WRITE SO POORLY IT BURNS!  IN MY THRASHING YOU SHALL BE AWARDED A PRIZE

p86 Rage as you watch your hard work turned the benefit of others - should be turn to the benefit of others AND p87 - Check a Skill and to fail to put them on the proper path. - I'm not sure what you mean here, Tim?

NO PRIZE!  CHARTINBOY TURNED IN THE SAME ERRORS BEFORE YOU.  YOU GET ALL HONORS BUT NO MONEY FOR THIS.

p88 - You’ve lost focused and everything burns. should be You’ve lost focus and everything burns. (Also probably not very important but the graphic is covering the page number)

A PRIZE FOR THIS!  IT IS A PURE EXAMPLE OF A SHAMEFUL ERROR AND FOR IT I SHALL DON A HAIRSHIRT.

(your other edit suggestions are excellent)

(5 edits)

p61 You confuse living mortals with the a dead Character all the time should be  You confuse living mortals with a dead Character all the time

p67 Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort contemporary communication technology should be Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort of contemporary communication technology

p82 The tiny dramas played out by these creatures comes to fascinate you should be The tiny dramas played out by these creatures come to fascinate you ( because come should be conjugated to match the word 'dramas' )

p82 Create two mortal Characters with a divergent interests in this mysterious affliction should be Create two mortal Characters with divergent interests in this mysterious affliction.

p61 You confuse living mortals with the a dead Character all the time should be  You confuse living mortals with dead Character all the time

LOOK ALL!  LOOK!  TSETSOVA DOES NOT MUCK AROUND IN THE APPENDICES FINDING SMALL ERRORS!  NO!  TSETSOVA ROARS INTO THE MAIN SECTION AND SHAMES ME BY POINTING OUT BLATANT IDIOCY!  A PRIZE FOR TSETOVA!  

p67 Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort contemporary communication technology should be Modify an old Memory to include an anachronistic use of this sort of contemporary communication technology

NOT CONTENT WITH VICTORY THE TSETSOVA CLAIMS ANOTHER PRIZE

p82 The tiny dramas played out by these creatures comes to fascinate you should be The tiny dramas played out by these creatures come to fascinate you ( because come should be conjugated to match the word 'dramas' )

p82 Create two mortal Characters with a divergent interests in this mysterious affliction should be Create two mortal Characters with divergent interests in this mysterious affliction.

TWO MORE VICTORIES FOR THE INSATIABLE TSETSOVA.  

Deleted 3 years ago

Oh my gosh, I'm only just now realizing that Tsetsova claimed so much of the prize offering.  I should have put a limit.  

(4 edits)

p83 it's own microcosm proof against the rule of authority should be its own microcosm proof against the rule of authority.

p86 You discover a technological principle or invention far before it's time should be

You discover a technological principle or invention far before its time.

Appendix IV - Because TYOV is a solo game it’s making was a self-contained process,

should be Because TYOV is a solo game its making was a self-contained process,

also - piece that becomes a record of it’s own making should be piece that becomes a record of its own making

also - if it’s best form happens to be a book should be its best form happens to be a book

p83 it's own microcosm proof against the rule of authority should be its own microcosm proof against the rule of authority.

A PRIZE

p86 You discover a technological principle or invention far before it's time should be

A PRIZE AGAIN

Appendix IV - Because TYOV is a solo game it’s making was a self-contained process,

NO PRIZE, THE INTERVIEWS ARE NOT ETHICAL TO MODIFY (but you're right)

Send a screenshot of your entry and my responses to dearleadergame@gmail.com.  If you want a free book include a shipping address (you'll get a 2nd printing copy ETA October).  If you want cash money include an email address.  One prize is one book or $20.  

(3 edits)

pdf page 156/ last page in the pdf: "cHsual"
I guess it should be casual

This might well be intentional:

Later on the same page: chAracters,  everythiNg, mKtable, fYrgets, thAy, Lown (down),  worLs, ProOpt, oMe, sUorytelling, plaCed, miHplaced

These are definitely intentional, try reading the mistakes in order. (There is still a real error, which I commented on)

GIVE NO SECRETS!

Hi Tim,

On page 116 "Someone has taken out advertisements that they want to live forever" is quite poor grammar, and probably wants a rework.

:)

I'm not messing with the phrasing of the additional prompts from other contributors, but you're right.

(7 edits)

p52 - the beauty of the dawn -  I think it probably should be "the beauty of dawn"

p55 - remain in shadows - I think it should be "remain in the shadows"

p56 - as to it's purpose should be as to its purpose

p57 - You are brought to the site of one your oldest crimes should be You are brought to the site of one of your oldest crimes.

TWO PRIZES!

Send a screenshot of your entry and my responses to dearleadergame@gmail.com.  If you want a free book include a shipping address (you'll get a 2nd printing copy ETA October).  If you want cash money include an email address.  One prize is one book or $20.  

Hi Tim,


great idea. Should we create a new comment for each thing we find as to not screw up finders order? Or should we edit our comment to contain more than one thing?


Anyways, on page 20, where marks are explained, there is the word

necessaily, I believe an r is missing.

A PRIZE!

Send a screenshot of your entry and my responses to dearleadergame@gmail.com.  If you want a free book include a shipping address (you'll get a 2nd printing copy ETA October).  If you want cash money include an email address.  One prize is one book or $20.  

Hi Tim,

On page 153, I believe the hidden code is missing the letter U in "YOU".


I'm not sure it rises to the bad enough to fix threshold, but there's some inconsistent italicization, notably around the word "lose" (for example on page 37, unitalicized in the first prompt, italicized in the second).

The U is behind the torn page.  It is intentional and jerkish and I should be punished.

This is what I'm seeing as the text behind the torn page between the O and A.

"

Own fears as an artist and  
archivist. If things are written down  
thAy can be lost

"
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